Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
