He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize