Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
