i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
