dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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