we made out on top of his cat.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
