I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
