Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
