All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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