Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
