From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
