He asked to "fluff my boner.."
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
