I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
