He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
