Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
