he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
