New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
