I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
