my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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