Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize