we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
