Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
