my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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