and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
