It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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