i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
