god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
