There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
