while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm passing your future prison.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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