dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
