Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
