Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
