My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
