You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
