Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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