Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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