he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
