I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
