i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
