I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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