Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
