So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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