paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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