Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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