the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
