Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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