Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
