My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
