dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm like, not good at living.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
