His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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