I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
