seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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