I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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