I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
