....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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