i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
