I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
