I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
