The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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