I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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