Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
