turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
