you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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