Don't you send me to vm
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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