i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
