Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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