He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize