so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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